Ministry of Presence

What do we say to someone in the midst of a trial?  How do we comfort them? How do we encourage them and come alongside them as Jesus would want in those moments?

Despite your career or background, these are questions we all long to know because we've all been faced with situations in life where a co-worker, classmate, or friend was walking through a season of trials or loss.  Your heart ached for them because their grief, fear, and worry was pasted on the expressions of their face and their body language.  In those moments we want so badly to remove their hurt, the cause of their pain and worries.  Knowing we can't do that, we wonder how we can do something, however small to help and bless them.

I've often heard ministers talk about the ministry of presence, and that being with someone, taking the time to visit is so critical to comforting them.   In my experience there truly is something powerful about people's presence and knowing that the trials you face you do so not alone, but accompanied by others.  Let's look at this approach from a different angle.  Recently I've been reading through the book of Job and in chapter 2 Job's three friends; Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite came to visit.  These friends are often treated pretty badly by commentators and readers alike, and well they should, but in 2:13 the text says that the friends spent the first seven days with Job, not saying a word.  This is the ministry of presence to the extreme!  For a second let's give the guys some credit, they traveled great distances to come to Job in his trials, and were with Job in his suffering, refusing to leave him for an entire week, while not saying anything.

But the time came when they had to give Job counsel, and that's when the problem arose as their counsel was not wise or sound.  It didn't reflect God's character or His dealings with mankind, but rather reflect a system void of grace.  Despite how one may attempt a ministry of presence with those walking through a trial, the moment will come when you must speak.  That's a lesson to be learned from all of us about Job's friends.  So what should be said?  Here are a few suggestions;

• Less is more Sometimes we don't know what to say and babel on and on and end up saying too much (kind of like grocery shopping when you're hungry!).  Affirming your commitment to them, offering aid, and pointing them back to the Lord and His Word are non-negotiables, but leave the rest for some other time.
• Offer to pray with them We often tell people in trials that we are praying for them, but seldom do we offer on the spot to pray with them (this would depend on the setting).  Prayer has a way of easing the worries and concerns of the person.  Sometimes in the midst of trials you don't know what to tell God and it can be nourishing to the soul to hear others praying for you to the Lord, almost as if it gives you words that you were unable to find.   
• Never call evil good I've heard people quickly quote Romans 8:28 and wrongly suggest that sickness or loss will be good.  I'm inclined to think that sickness, loss, and death are all a result of the fall and would never be looked at as good by God, but instead as a result of our rebellion to Him.  I avoid that verse in the moment, and prefer to look at the Psalms, places in Isaiah, or others that focus on God's character and faithfulness.  After all, what we need to hear in those moments is that we worship a God who is with us, who is both powerful and compassionate, who will take this evil and work through it to bring about some seeds of good.